First of all, I am so grateful. I am so grateful for the work behind Allume and the dedication of the staff, the speakers, the sponsors the hotel, every single person involved. It was truly an amazing experience.
I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. Like beyond words, glad.
Honestly, I had no idea I even needed to verbalize these thoughts constantly swirling around in my head. Mainly because I didn’t even know these thoughts were okay….I just know that I now feel refreshed and rejuvenated and reminded.
I didn’t realize it was okay to be creative and scattered and restless. That at some point, creative people actually feel this way. I didn’t know this because I pushed away the thought that I was creative.
But last weekend, I met a hundred women like me (now, be sure you know I’m comparing myself to these authors above because I’m not even in the same ballpark, I just loved this picture of all the books I received/purchased there).
These beautiful women reminded me why I do this. Why I feel so led to share.
Each woman I met was creative. Like in a way that made you want to be like them but not in a worshiping kind of way–in a way that made you see how God has transformed their hearts and how He is at work in their souls (if that even makes sense).
Allume changed my life and opened my eyes and pried my heart open to the possibilities beyond belief if I just let God work.
What I saw though is that I was striving for perfection in all areas of life trying to the perfect planner, the perfect host, the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect teacher, friend, daughter.
And I cannot be all of those things. And no one I met tried to pretend to be those things. You see, every person I met was real and refreshing and gentle and kind.
They didn’t make me even think I needed to be any of those things. They were each a reminder that Jesus was the perfect host, the perfect friend, the perfect teacher, friend, Son.
He is all of those things for us.
So I can stop trying to be someone I’m not because I’m never going to attain that goal.
I am never going to reach my impossible standard not only because it’s not me. But because God is so much bigger than that.
He CREATED us.
So it’s okay to be CREATIVE.
It’s okay to be extreme.
It’s okay to be PASSIONATE.
It’s okay to find who I am in HIM.
It’s okay to be that friend who always has a messy house because there are always toddlers running around and always a project because my restless spirit is NOT discontent….my restless spirit is trying desperately to be MORE like God and less like me.
So now, when I open my home to people, I am not going to apologize for the mess, I’m just going to be. I’m going to enjoy these people in this moment. And because we know my son is notorious for teaching us lessons, he hit the nail on the head again last night.
You see, Allume’s “theme” was Hospitality. In ALL aspects of life. And Halloween on our street is a BIG deal…as in the people across the street from us gave out 1,500 pieces of candy last year. I told Kuy we would be giving out candy and my goodness if he didn’t raise his hand at church during prayer requests! He told everyone we would be giving out candy (which they know, but for a three year old…this was a big deal.) He wanted to pray for these people, and me? I hadn’t even thought about it. Well, maybe a couple of times but I hadn’t actually done it.
Because, again, I was making it all about me and what my porch looked like and what the inside looked like.
Because the day before Halloween, this is what it looked like.
The perfectionist in me forgot the true purpose and the opportunity we have.
My need for perfection focused on the wrong aspects.
So today, my restless spirit is trying desperately to be the arrow, not the Light.
graphics found here
Thank you, Allume, for opening my eyes to this that I have learned…it’s truly okay to just be. Because Jesus is all we need.