So not that you really cared but I didn’t fall off the face of the Earth. It’s just basketball season and last week was no media week (see below) so this is kind of random thoughts post. I’ll understand if you stop reading now.
I’m kind of stuck between this feeling of a serious change and the thought about what that change really is.
I keep asking my husband if I’m crazy.
I keep asking the girls in Bible study if I’m crazy.
You see we started the 7 Bible study AND I read Kisses from Katie AND I’m about to start Radical by David Platt so I feel it. Deep down. It’s a stirring. A push. More than just a slight nudge.
I’ve had this post written for weeks and haven’t hit publish yet and now I’m STILL debating whether or not I should have. The darn people pleaser in me gets me every time. But is it holding me back? Am I letting the part of not disappointing someone or losing what I have get in the way of what God has planned? If so, I am soooo missing out.
Finding that balance between what I really want and what God has planned and how that correlates to what’s going on in my head and heart and home!
What I do know… I do know that this house journey taught me more than I could have ever imagined. Did I feel guilty? YES because I thought it’s more than we need but I still firmly believe that without this journey, there would have been no stirring and changing US. Through renovations, a new baby, a two year old, selling a house, we were by far more overwhelmed than we have ever been.
We grew. Our relationship grew. And sputtered. And grew. Our patience, our strength, our faith…it was all tested. Through the house journey we were/are down to the bare minimum (and we keep getting rid of stuff) but we were brought there on purpose. Therefore, we had to ask for things we never thought we would. We were humbled beyond belief. But in these moments, God had to provide. We had no other choice.
Y’all. He did. More than ever. Of course.
WHYYY do either expect anything less??? His plans are so far and above ANYTHING we can/could ever dream up. Because of this house, we are changed. Forever. Our hearts are continuing to change and as hard as it is to swallow, it’s effective. It’s meaningful.
It’s where we are supposed to land. For now.
What is this change? I’m not sure. I still feel stuck. There’s a huge part of me that feels the courage to take a huge leap of faith but I don’t even know where I’m leaping to! The raitionalizing part of me talks myself out of it. I see the change in so many aspects of my life from wanting to garden (ridiculous, I know to compare that but it’s the LITTLE THINGS), to raising my children, to work, to my relationships. It is all being changed and pushed and challenged, in the most effective way. But among all this rambling, I feel the change from within to make a change in myself. In my views. In my thoughts. Even though I am all over the place, it’s right where I belong.
Because I know, deep down, He’ll be there to catch us when we falL….again.