An Embarrassingly Hard Lesson

I just finished Interrupted. And I need to read the entire Bible right this second. How did I get so far behind? I need to read. I feel a strong desire to share. I feel this innate building inside me that there is more.

Last night, Kuy had a complete meltdown. As in, he wanted to play with the big kids while at an event but the big kids were running around screaming in a room that is very nicely decorated which is fine for big kids that know not to break stuff but we are talking about my three year old who cried when he “broke” his hot dog thirty minutes before.

That child.

I was THAT mom. The one that literally dragged him out of the gym because he did that thing where he collapses when you’re holding their hand (my personal favorite).

Meanwhile, all the older moms and grandmothers and precious little old ladies were just staring.

But do you know what it felt like? Judging. Pride. Because their children or grandchildren were behaving.

Three days earlier, this same child of mine was singing “Jesus Loves Me” in the buggy at the grocery store and I felt that same pride with a smile towards other mothers like, ‘Yes, he’s mine singing.” And today, he was having a complete fit AT church.

All while I was following my BOSS of all people to find my husband to get the keys to the car because her child’s book bag was in my car and we were trying to have a conversation about work but remember there’s a three year old screaming attached to me? She was surely judging thinking, “I hired her!?!? To TEACH children!?!”

It was all too much. My face was red. We were in a GYM….did I mention it was 90 degrees outside???  I was sweating. It was a long day already in which I left the house at 7:10. It was WAY past bedtime since we are eating supper at 5:15 these days and putting them to bed at 7:15 so not only were they exhausted from the day but they should be getting ready for bed. Not running and sweating and screaming.

How did he even get up to the pretty room?

What was I so busy doing that I missed it?

But how often do we miss it? The kids just disappear for a second.

But how often do we disappear for second only to find God hasn’t moved? We have.

We have missed out on an opportunity because much like Kuy, we didn’t want to listen the first time.

God is good. There is no doubt and I KNOW this to be true.

But it kind of stings, doesn’t it? Knowing we missed it because WE were tired? WE were exhausted? It was past OUR time in that ordained appointment.

How did we even get there? What were we so busy doing that we missed it?

Another loss for me. Because I decided to do it my way.

I decided MY way, like Kuy, was better. I decided that I knew what I was doing and I could handle it from here.

So what I will do now? Will I step in and do my part?

Are we doing OUR part? Are we feeding the oppressed?

Are we feeding the young mother with the screaming child?

The seasoned mother with the rebellious teenager?

The empty nester with a new grandson now a state away?

The couple struggling with infertility?

The neighbor waiting for a diagnosis?

“Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
Then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
aou will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
Then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.”
Isaiah 58:8-10

Man, I’ve still got so much to learn…

P.S. Please send up prayers for my first blogging conference where I hope to learn so much and know without a doubt that God will meet me there.

Need more Lessons from the Kids?